Easy steps for controlling emotions
Ever experienced situations where our emotions controlled us rather than us controlling our emotions? I think all of us felt that before. Like the last time you lost your temper and unnecessarily got upset. Or when you were so nervous you couldn’t even complete a sentence.
First of all understand that emotions are here to serve us. Emotions tell us what is going on and makes life more interesting and colorful. Emotions are like signals and warning signs. For example when we feel angry it shows that something is not right. When we feel frustrated it means that things can be better. And so on.
Though it is good to have emotions, being too emotional can lead to many problems.
What we don’t want to do is ignore, avoid or suppress our emotions. Rather, we should acknowledge our emotions whenever it comes upon us. Try to understand and be aware of the message that the emotion is trying to tell us. Then proceed to respond to the message in the best way we can.
Remember that your emotion is the messenger, not the enemy. It just communicates the bad news to you.
The steps to controlling emotions;
1. Break off and disassociate
Whenever there is a surge of emotions rushing towards you, quickly break the pattern and disassociate from it. Don’t indulge in the emotion and let it take over. Become like a 3rd party observing the situation and what is happening. Step outside of yourself and don’t make it personal.
The key is to do it immediately, or else the emotion will gain momentum and get stronger.
How do we break the pattern of the emotion? Here’s one way. Do, say or think of something so unexpected that it surprises and shocks the brain. This takes away the intensity and momentum of the emotion. The more bizzare and crazier, the better. You can’t help but not feel angry if something really weird suddenly happens.
2. Be curious and try to understand the message of the emotion
After disassociating yourself from the emotion and situation, you will be in a neutral state. Once this happens, ask yourself a few questions to objectively assess the situation. For example ;
What emotions was I experiencing?
What happened a moment ago?
What does this imply?
What is the reason for me feeling that way?
What did I have to believe for me to feel this way?
For me to feel better, what needs to happen?
Don’t ever let it get personal. Just be curious about it. Ask those questions in a questioning and curious tone. This helps put you in a better state.
Those questions will help you discover the message of the emotion you are experiencing. You will know why you feel that way, and what to do about it. By making sure that you are neutral before you start analyzing the situation, your assessment won’t be influenced by emotions.
3. Make a decision on what to do
The last step is to decide your response and follow up action. It may be something that you have to do, communicate or even think for you to get what you want. Remember, sometimes all we need to change is our mindset and perception.
By staying neutral and disassociated from whatever emotions, you will know that you have come up with an objective solution to the situation.
Follow those 3 steps to control your emotions. Practice makes perfect. At the beginning you will usually find it difficult not to be overcome by the emotion, but try your best to stick to it. After a while it will start to get easier and before you know it, that will be how you naturally respond to negative emotions.